RETIREMENT HOMES --YES OR NO

When I last wrote, we had just moved into a retirement home (at great expense) and I was in the dining room looking for those laughing, tanned couples I had seen in the promotional brichures. Alas, they were not there. I had a sinking feeling that I had gotten ourselves in a bad situation -- the vibes were not what I had thought they would be. It would be three years before we went AWOL, but we never regretted leaving the place. We had gone on a little vacation trip to Tucson. In Arizona the sun was shining, I heard voices laughing, and we went to the bar next door and had an old fashioned. That was it. I didn't care what the children would say- I wanted out.

Now I don't want to say that there are not people who tend to flourish in retirement homes. They just have different personalities, or needs, than we did. Or they chose retirement "providers" who were not as rapacious as the one we chose. The decision of whether to go into continuing care or not is one that requires a lot of searching, and thought. Here are some pointers from my own experience.

Watch out for the private chains -- though they label themselves as "non-profit" they know how to maximize income. There is good money in these homes. The one we lived in charged for everything. If you had a package delivered byUPS to the front desk, they charged five dollars to bring it up. Exercise classes, riding in their van to a local doctor, changing the sheets, all kinds of small services were charged. They counted the forks after meals to be certain that no resident had the temerity to bring in a guest without paying. No one did, but the dining room guru was convinced that people were taking food back to their rooms. He would stop a ninety year old in the hall with a cookie.

Once a year in October the out of town management would dispatch a cold-faced operative down to our little town for the yearly financial meeting. All the residents would crowd into the auditorium to hear the pronouncement. Fees were going up another five percent (one year seven!) No one objected, although there must have been some distress. That is another problem - this time to bring to the attention of relatives who may be considering this move for you.

The population is very vulnerable. If the management is not caring, it is a population ripe for exloiting. There are little ladies who are very frail, spouses in the first stages of Altzeimers, older people who just do not have the strength to fight back they once used to have. Resident opposition to the pronouncements of the owners is improbable. They are sheep waiting to be shorn. Most of all, they may need an advocate. A good one would be your children keeping an eye on things.

More to follow.