MY INSOMNIA GOES TO A SLEEP CLINIC

I don't like to talk about my various ailments- old people tend to do that, and it's a bore. But my insomnia is not a characteristic of old age. I can't remember when I slept all night, or even a sequence of four hours at a time. I've logged thousands of nights awake, staring at the ceiling, going over plots of old movies in my mind, playing my Walkman with late night talk shows, eating cereal in the kitchen at three a.m. But the insomnia intensified as I grow older and I am what is currently called "sleep deprived" to the point that it is worrisome.

What do you do? I believe in specialists. I needed a sleep doctor who I could talk to, and who could appreciate those long nights I was currently spending. For those bloggers who are familiar with the peculiarities of HMO's, it was not easy to get a referral to this kind of specialist. I decided not to try, and paid for a visit to a sleep doctor - myself. It was incredibly helpful to talk to him-- he understood. He prescribed a night at a sleep clinic affiliated with the University so that he could better understand my problem. I was excited. At last someone cared.


I reported with my night clothes to a little cottage, with a night light on, like a motel where you were checking in late. An attendant, who looked like a hospital orderly. wired me up . There were many wires, on my head and face, arms and legs. The bedroom was noticeably dark and totally quiet. It was cold. When he exited, the attendant said "You'll be hearing me talk to you with some instructions" and that was the last I knew. As soon as he shut the door, I must have fallen asleep and started snoring. So much for my insomnia! In the morning I was embarrassed.

Why did I sleep that night when I never do? I've thought about this a lot and I think it was (1) really dark, (2) really quiet, and Cool. I didn't hear any of those funny ominous noises the house makes in the middle of the night, or the coyotes howling. When I went back to the sleep doctor for his report, he wasn't dismayed that I had zonked out. He had a flow chart that showed a lot -- my dream sequence and constant kicking of legs and changes of position. They can monitor your brain while you are sleeping. He prescribed medication for "restless legs" but I don't think I'll take it. At any rate, I feel a lot better and my insomnia has really improved. I love the sleep clinic and I would like to go back again. Try it. You'll like it.